m-au ciuruit,

dar eu m-am expus.

(un)healthy wish [j.w.]

i want someone who is fierce and will love me until death and knows that love is as strong as death, and be on my side forever and ever. i want someone who will destroy me and be destroyed by me.

the cold heaven [w.b.y.]

suddenly i saw the cold and rook-delighting heaven
that seemed as though [sand] burned and was but more [sand],
and thereupon imagination and heart were driven
so wild that every casual thought of that and this
vanished, and left but memories, that should be out of season
with the hot blood of youth, of love crossed;
and i took all the blame out of all sense and reason,
until i cried and trembled and rocked to and fro,
riddled with [night]. when the ghost begins to quicken,
confusion of the death-bed over, is it sent
out naked on the roads, as the books say, and stricken
by the injustice of the [summer] for punishment?

21 [l.d.]

mi-ai îndreptat şuviţa de pe frunte.

o! duşumeaua-n vişiniu vopsită,

cum [îmi sărutai] orbitele.

astăzi, mai departe ca oricând.
romul când îşi fumegă aroma,
mi-a căzut în lacrimă o geană.
simt o înmuiere de consoană,
pântecul imens ca un [balcon].

vin ultramarin [mi, ţi, ni] se va da
azi la prânz.

[lasă-ne] aşa.

my doubt [j.h.]

i wake, doubt, beside you,
like a curtain half-open.

i dress doubting,
like a cup
undecided if it has been dropped.

i eat doubting,
work doubting,
go out to a dubious cafe with skeptical friends.

i go to sleep doubting myself,
as a herd of goats
sleep in a suddenly gone-quiet truck.

i dream you, doubt,
nightly –
for what is the meaning of dreaming
if not that all we are while inside it
is transient, amorphous, in question?

left hand and right hand,
doubt, you are in me,
throwing a basketball, guiding my knife and my fork.
left knee and right knee,
we run for a bus,
for a meeting that surely will end before we arrive.

i would like
to grow content in you, doubt,
as a double-hung window
settles obedient into its hidden pulleys and ropes.

i doubt i can do so:
your own counterweight governs my nights and my days.

as the knob of hung lead holds steady
the open mouth of a window,
you hold me,
my kneeling before you resistant, stubborn,
offering these furious praises
i can’t help but doubt you will ever be able to hear.

it [e.d.]

i feel it rolling down the
smooth dark slope of the beach sand
stumbling, stopping for a bit
and
starting rolling again
as if
looking for a steeper slope
looking to break.

weirdly, i still feel it.

răspuns

poate nu toţi caii mor când vrem
poate unele drumuri sunt prea scurte
pentru prea multe de ascuns

rid of you, rid of me [pjh]

ce jour-ci le 5eme. j’ai pas encore fait le point. angoissant. inquiétant.

again?

everybody knows that the boat is leaking
everybody knows that the captain lied

everybody knows that you love me baby
everybody knows that you really do
everybody knows that you’ve been faithful
ah give or take a night or two

everybody knows you’ve been discreet
but there were so many people you just had to meet
without your clothes

and everybody knows that it’s now or never
everybody knows that it’s me or you
and everybody knows that you live forever
everybody knows the deal is rotten

pills, liquor, queen

impact

you are my opus.

undeva prin vamă…

… din nou. cândva după ora 2, la începutul zilei de 26 aprilie. am ameţit, am vrut şi am simţit mult, nu mai încăpeau cuvintele în mine, le-am lăsat să curgă.

cum să ameţeşti de la un sărut?

wish i… [d.d.]

do i?

feeling good [n.s.]

it’s a new dawn
it’s a new day
it’s a new life
for me

and this old world is a new world
and a bold world for me

oh, freedom is mine
and i know how i feel

it’s a new dawn
it’s a new day
it’s a new life
for me

vamă de septembrie

nisip pe plajă rece în noapte
dans, cântec, bretele negre
vin alb, lacrimi străine, rugăminte
ameninţări, strigăte, tehnici de negociere ratate
friiiiig, banane, biscuiţi, pătură, corectare
primii cozonaci, unicul pandişpan
primul răsărit
ravel
fotografii, sprijin-îmbrăţişare
cafea cu lapte, mese si scaune de lemn pline de nisip
muzică franţuzească devreme, în soare fierbinte
bagaje făcute în linişte şi grabă
ambiguitate
ultima plimbare pe plajă prin soare cald şi vânt rece
suc de portocale la stuff
altă îmbrăţişare-consolare
acte universitare uitate
venire
noapte, roşu, verde
ne-singurătate, bucurie
irealitate

nu mie, nu eu, nu acum.

iar vamă

din 166 de ore am dormit 9. în trei bucăţi.

saudade

caut un volum despre rezistenţă pentru un student şi mi-am amintit când îl citeam şi luam notiţe, în septembrie 2007, pe terasa din spate de la kerepesi, aşteptând cu nerăbdare.

no title

hold me
wrap me up
unfold me
i am small
warm me up
breathe me

i lost

again.

sleeping [s.p.]

i can’t see the point of getting up. i have nothing to look forward to.

întuneric [e.d.]

am fost formulată în scris
(era o zi caniculară)
şi
m-am gândit la fata din tablou
şi
la cum i-am greşit
căci şi eu am fixat-o acolo
şi
am lăsat-o singură într-o casă bântuită.

între acum şi ea au căzut anotimpuri
(s-au mişcat cuvinte, lumi, drumuri)
şi
eu am rămas încremenită ca în tabloul ăla
şi
pietrificarea continuă
zăpada e din ce în ce mai înfiorătoare
şi
nu-mi mai simt nici arterele, nici dimineţile.

aşa că aştept să se întâmple ceva fantastic
(oricum nu pot face nimic)
şi
să mă desprind încet sau spontan
şi
ca o trezire sau ca o combustie
care să mă împingă, să mă răstoarne
şi
acum să devină ieri, alaltăieri, niciodată.

azi a venit toamna

se risipeşte drum în mine.

truncated [j.w.]

i am short, so i like the little guy/ underdog stories, but they are not straightforwardly about one size versus another. think about, say, jack and the beanstalk, which is basically a big ugly stupid giant, and a smart little jack who is fast on his feet. ok, but the unstable element is the beanstalk, which starts as a bean and grows into a huge tree-like thing that jack climbs to reach the castle. this bridge between two worlds is unpredictable and very surprising. and later, when the giant tries to climb after jack, the beanstalk has to be chopped down pronto. this suggests to me that the pursuit of happiness, which we may as well call life, is full of surprising elements – we get somewhere we couldn’t go otherwise and we profit from the trip, but we can’t stay there, it isn’t our world, and we shouldn’t let that world come crashing down into the one we can inhabit. the beanstalk has to be chopped down.

Миллион, миллион, миллион…

Утром ты встанешь у окна
– Может сошла ты с ума –
Как продолжение сна.

4

three is a charm.

5th [delayed]

it always starts with the small things.

bape

there are mornings when i wake up still full of old dreams. and i go make the coffee.

curand

cred ca cel mai bine imi pot descrie starea prin ‘visuri sute de macel’.

vis

venise in bucuresti, statea intr-o casa pe duzilor, am iesit seara sa mancam ceva, eram desculta, m-am dus sa-mi iau sandalele, am stat mult, cand m-am intors se intamplase ceva, nu mai stiu daca era aceeasi zi, eram undeva pe munte sau in padure, o tot cautam, cred ca i-am spus ceva sau am facut ceva si a plecat. au mai aparut oameni, nu mai stiu cine erau, aveam o senzatie neplacuta si vinovata. m-am dus a doua zi la casa unde statea, mi-a raspuns altcineva, mi-a spus ca a plecat de dimineata… si pe urma am aflat ca s-a sinucis. am inceput s-o strig, cat puteam de tare, cu disperare. m-am trezit strigand.