hot religious doubledating

February 1, 2012

pj: i’m so fucking, fucking, fucking, hot!

vincent: i know you are, babe.

pj: no, it’s quite hot in here.

vincent: are you stupid? it’s the nature of my glass house. oh, fabulous, here’s matthew and björk.

björk: hello.

matthew: vincent, polly, good to see you.

björk: i’m so excited! i’ve never been on such an artistic and exclusive double date before. the erotic re-awakening that matthew has brought about in me has opened a lot of plebeian activities that i’ve not experienced before now. i’m loving it, to do these things that aren’t necessarily elfin.

vincent: yeah, björk, whatever. i just wanna know when you two get down, who’s wearing the clovenhoof strap-on?

pj: vincent! how rude! could i weigh any less? i’m really quite shy of my weight, but i like to take on characters for performing with the use of make-up. eye make-up and lipstick and some more lipstick – it’s really quite transformative. and when i’ve thrown up everything i’ve just eaten then I feel…

björk: oh to throw up… it means what? also, everybody, what is the definition of disingenuous? i want to know so many things. i’ve got a lot of money for designer clothes. i can just trudge through the desert getting my comme-des-garçons skirt all dirty and dusty. it don’t matter. if hopping into a live volcano feels right, i say do it.

matthew: i say, cappuccinos are fine with me on the downtime, but what do you kids say to a picnic? i’ve got the basket and the bent waiting. we could play some touch football, what do you say?

vincent: hey, yeah, matthew, we’re both hot former football players. i know björk can fight like a motherfucker, but polly would snap like a twig at the smallest tackle. let’s put her on a hook and do some minnow fishing. polly? oh look, she’s banging her head against the wall and björk’s recording it.

björk: the rhythm! it moves my insides like sunshine jelly!

matthew: isn’t she a darling thing?

vincent: when she says ‘jelly’ it makes me think of someone’s ass, and then i think…

matthew: how dare you, sir! that’s my childwoman you’re speaking of!

vincent: matthew, i didn’t say björk, i’m just thinking of any ass. not even necessarily a woman, it could be my own ass. like my ass is…

pj: vincent you are an ass! you are an ass!

matthew: what about my ass? it’s hard from sports.

this repulsive celebrity double date has been brought to you by the church of latter day saints.

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